Adoption
by TheSouthLondonShaman
Summary: Vince and Howard are getting lonely, so they decide to adopt. But how will they deal with the strange child they take home?
1. Chapter 1

Mighty Boosh Fanfiction

Chapter 1

"Howard?"

Howard ignored him, and continued reading his paper.

"Howard? Howard? Howard?"

"Vince, if this is another stupid, pointless question, I may have to kill you."

"It's not! Why would you think that?" exclaimed Vince.

"Do I really need to explain? Anyway, what were you going to say?"

"Howard, it's getting pretty lonely around here."

"What do you mean? We've got each other."

"Exactly! We need someone else! We need to add another character to the mix."

"What, a lodger?"

"Not exactly…"

"A pet? Do you want a hamster, or something?" asked a perplexed Howard.

"A hamster? No, I don't like hamsters; they're really hard to dress up. They're like furry toilet roll tubes with toothpicks for legs. No, I was thinking of something a bit more human."

"So you do want a lodger then?"

"No. I thought that, maybe, we could get, you know, a kid?" Vince was looking at Howard earnestly. There was a silence.

"Are you joking, Vince?" Howard finally asked.

"No, I mean it! I've been thinking about it for ages, it'd be fun!"

"Vince, raising a child is stressful and expensive. Anyway, where would we get a kid from?"

"Adoption! Look, I've arranged for an appointment at an adoption agency for next Monday at 3, the address is on a post it note on the fridge. Will you at least give it a try?"

Howard said nothing, temporarily lost for words as a result of his friends out of character practicality. "Okay, then." He said, when his voice returned.

"Yes! Cheers Howard, you're a diamond!" Vince said, and ran upstairs to start designing outfits for their new addition.

Downstairs, Howard sighed. How on earth would they manage a child?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Vince! Vince, wake up!" Howard shook his friend's shoulder. Vince groaned.

"What time is it Howard?" He looked at the clock and screamed. "Howard, it's nine in the morning! What do you want?"

"We've got the appointment at the adoption agency today, remember? I'm making breakfast, do you want anything?"

"Yeah…thanks." Vince mumbled.

"Okay. I'll leave you to get dressed." Howard said, leaving. Minutes later, he put his head round the door. "Vince, try to tone your clothes down a bit today. We'll have to make a good first impression."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Vince exclaimed, sitting bolt upright.

"Thought that would get you up." Howard chuckled. He dived out of sight, narrowly avoiding the cushion that Vince threw at him.

An hour later, Vince was dressed in black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, a silver waistcoat and matching silver calf boots, eating a bowl of cornflakes.

"So, what are we looking for in a kid?" Howard asked.

"I'm not sure. Do you have any ideas?" Vince asked.

"No babies. Under any circumstances. A young teenager, maybe? 12, 13?" Howard mused.

"Yeah. No babies." Vince agreed. "Boy or girl?"

"Boy. Definitely."

"You seem really sure."

"At least we'll have some vague idea what to do with him if he's a boy. We don't know the first thing about young girls."

"You don't." Vince corrected, grinning. Howard threw him a venomous look and finished his cereal silently.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Are we nearly there yet?" Vine whined.

"Nearly. We'll be there in about ten minutes."

"Oh." Came the reply.

Ten minutes later, Howard and Vince arrived at the adoption agency.

"Howard, I'm nervous." Vince whispered.

"About what? Everything will be fine." Inside, Howard was terrified.

"You must be Vincent and Howard." Said the receptionist.

"It's Vince, actually." The receptionist didn't appear to have heard this.

"Mrs Whitehorn is in her office. You can go straight through."

"So, gentlemen, why do you want to adopt a child?" Mrs Whitehorn asked.

"Well, we've both always wanted children, and we really want the chance to change a child's future." Vince said, surprising Howard for a second time.

"Well, if you adopt a child, you will certainly change their life. I've checked over your paperwork, and everything seems to be in order. I'll need identification, to prove that you're both over 21, then I'll tell you about some of the children in this area that need to be adopted." They both showed her the ID that she asked for, which she seemed happy with.

Mrs Whitehorn pulled a thick file from a drawer in her desk, flipped it open, and passed it over to Vince and Howard. The looked through it slowly, turning each page with immense care. Suddenly, they both stopped and stared at the page.

"Howard…" Vince whispered.

"I know." Howard whispered back.

"Have you made a choice already?" asked Mrs Whitehorn.

"Yes…" Howard said "what's his name?"

"Naboo."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A week later, Vince and Howard arrived at the foster home Naboo was staying in.

"Howard, what if he hates us?"

"He won't."

"But what if he does?"

"He won't."

Just then, the door opened, revealing a young woman dressed in jeans and a jumper. Her face broke into an enormous smile.

"You must be here to see Naboo!" she said. "Come in! I'm Michelle. Would you like a drink?"

"No, thanks." Said Howard, slightly taken aback by the woman's enthusiasm. "Can we see Naboo?"

"Of course! Just come through here, I'll go and get him." She disappeared through the door, reappearing several minutes later with a young boy.

Howard and Vince looked him up and down with interest. He had sleek black hair in a shoulder length bob the framed his angular face perfectly. He was wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt and trainers.

"Vince, Howard, this is Naboo. Naboo, this is Vince and this is Howard." Michelle said, gesturing to the appropriate person when she said their name.

"Hi, Naboo!" Vince said enthusiastically.

"Hi there." Said Howard, feeling slightly awkward. Naboo didn't say anything, he just stared at them. His look was powerful; it made Howard and Vine feel weak when he turned it on them.

"Right, I'll leave you three to get to know each other. I'll be back soon with the final paperwork!" Michelle beamed, leaving.

"So, Naboo, how are you?" asked Howard.

"Why?"  
"Just trying to start a conversation."

"Right. Why are you here?"

"Hasn't Michelle told you? We'd like adopt you." Howard smiled, hoping that Naboo would smile back. He didn't.

"So, what do you say?" asked Vince, still eager.

"Why not? It'll get me out of here." He wasn't as pleased as they'd hoped, but at least he'd agreed.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Several weeks later, after filling in what felt like millions of forms, Howard and Vince were bringing Naboo back to their home. They showed him round; ending the tour in what would become Naboo's room.

"We'll let you get settled in." Said Vince, retreating. "Join us in the den if you feel like it. We're eating at six. Do you have any allergies?" Naboo shook his head, looking round in silence. Vince left, closing the door behind him.

"How is he?" asked Howard.

"Quiet." Was Vince's reply. "What are we eating this evening?"

"Did you ask him if he had any allergies?"

"Yes, I did, and no, he doesn't."

"Since it's his first night here, we could order a couple of pizzas and eat them in front of the TV."

"Good idea." Vince replied. He loved takeaways, because they meant that he didn't have to do any washing up. "I'll go and ask him what kind he wants."

Vince knocked on Naboo's door.

"Who is it?" came a voice from inside the room.

"It's Vince." Vince replied through the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." Vince opened the door to see Naboo sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and his eyes closed.

"Naboo?"

"What?"

"We're ordering pizza. What kind do you want?"

"Cheese and tomato."

"Ok. If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing?"

"Meditating. It's a vital shaman skill."

"Shaman?"

"Yeah. Didn't I mention that I'm a 400 year old shaman from the planet Xooberon?"

"I don't think you did, actually. Just a minute, I'll go and get Howard." Vince ran from the room. Naboo smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"So, you're an alien?" Howard asked.

"Yes."

"From a planet called Xooberon?"

"Yes."

"And you have magic powers?" Asked Vince.

"I'm a shaman, yes."

"Right." There was a short silence as this sunk in.

"Do you still feel like pizza?"

"Yeah." Naboo said, smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

1 Month Later

"Get up, you two!" Howard bellowed, for the third time that morning. It was like this every day. Vince and Naboo always overslept. He usually had to go into Vince's bedroom and almost drag him out of bed. He would sleep all day if Howard let him.

"This is the last time! If you don't both get up in the next 5 minutes, I'm coming in!" This usually got Naboo up. Howard waited, but neither bedroom door opened, so he went in to wake Vince. He was greeted with a groan from the bed.

"If you don't like getting up, don't stay out so late. Do you want breakfast?" Another groan. "I'll take that as a yes." Howard smiled fondly. No matter how exasperating he found Vince, he would always care about him. He was like a little brother to Howard.

He went through to the kitchen and poured some cereal for Vince, Naboo and himself. He made 3 mugs of tea. Vince's was milky and sweet, Naboo had a splash of milk, and Howard's tea was strong and bitter. Vince came stumbling out of his room, still half asleep.

"Where's Naboo?" Vince asked, taking a mouthful of tea and almost burning his mouth in the process.

"Asleep. I haven't seen him yet today." Howard was starting to worry. "I'll go and check that he's ok."

He put his head around the door to Naboo's room.

"Naboo?" He asked quietly. "Naboo, are you alright?" there was no answer. He opened the door fully and entered the room. "Naboo?" Howard walked over to the bed. It was empty. "Vince!" He screamed. He ran around the house, searching for the tiny shaman. Vince ran in, looking alarmed.

"What's wrong?"

"Naboo's gone!"

"What? Where?"

"Do you think that I would be this worried if I knew where he was?"

"Fair point. Well, when did you see him last?"

"Last night, he disappeared into his room at about nine, and he didn't come out!"

"Howard, calm down. Think rationally. I'll go and get dressed. Try and think of anywhere he might have gone, then we'll go out and look for him. If he hasn't turned up by tonight, we'll phone the police. Ok?" Howard nodded mutely.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Vince and Howard walked quickly, looking for any signs of the tiny shaman. After several hours, they decided to turn around and go home.

"I can't believe we haven't found him. Where could he have gone?" Howard was almost in tears.

"We'll phone the police later tonight. Don't worry, he'll turn up." Vince comforted him, hiding his own worry.

They arrived back at the house deflated. They went through the door, locking it behind them. They walked into the den silently.

"Hi guys." Vince and Howard looked at each other in confusion. Surely, it couldn't be…..

"Naboo?" It came out as a strangled gasp. "What's going on?"

"I'm watching TV. There's not much on."

"Naboo, where have you been?"

"I visited The Board of Shamans."

"The what?"

"The Board of Shamans."

"What's The Board of Shamans? Vince asked.

"They rule over all of the other shamans. A bit like a government."

"Did it at any point occur to you to tell us where you were going?" Howard asked, his voice strained.

"Not really, no. I had to report to them as soon as my powers started working again."

"How did you get there?"

"Magic carpet." Naboo replied.

"Where's your magic carpet now?"

"Bedroom."

"Go and get it." Howard asked, scarily calm.

"What?" Naboo asked, alarmed.

"Go and get your magic carpet." His voice stayed calm, but had a terrifying edge to it.

"Why?" The shaman squeaked.

"We're going to see The Board of Shamans."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

One turbulent magic carpet ride later, Vince, Howard, and Naboo arrived at the forest clearing that contained The Board of Shamans. Naboo was terrified of the mad glint in Howard's eye. Vince remained silent, afraid of incurring his wrath. He had never seen his friend act like this.

"Naboo?" asked Dennis, the head shaman. "What are you doing here again?" Then he saw the two men behind him. "Who are you?"

"V…V… Vince Noir." Vince stammered, in awe of the intimidating figure.

"And you?" Dennis asked, looking at Howard.

"I am Howard Moon. Am I addressing The Board of Shamans?"

"You are. May I inquire as to why you are here?"

"As you are probably aware, Naboo is currently in our custody. And today, because of you, he disappeared, failing to alert us as to where he had gone."

"Surely that is the fault of Naboo?"

"We have been informed that you rule over all shamans."

"You have been informed correctly."

"We demand that Naboo is punished! He has caused us great worry, and you are responsible for that!"

"Very well. We require a word with Naboo, alone." Howard nodded in acknowledgement and walked back into the forest with Vince.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Naboo…" Dennis began. He didn't seem angry, just tired.

"What?" Naboo exclaimed. "What have I done wrong?"

"Naboo, you shouldn't have left without telling them. They would have been worried sick!"

"I was only following orders! I was told to report to the board as soon as my powers had fully returned, so I did!"

"Naboo, you have to accept that these people care for you. You'll have to start being a little more considerate." Dennis said quietly. "I will now confer with the rest of the board." The table of shamans huddled together, whispering. After several minutes of intense conversation, they turned back to Naboo.

"Naboo, it has been decided that your magic carpet will be left in possession of your guardians until further notice, and you cannot leave your current place of residence without one of them or an escort they have approved."

"You're grounding me?" Naboo exclaimed. "No way!"

"I am afraid that it is the decision of the board. Please call your custodians back."

"Vince, Howard, come here!" Naboo yelled, not moving. The two men appeared in the clearing and Dennis repeated Naboo's punishment to them.

"Thank you, sir. Good day to you." Howard said, pleased. Vince was still struck dumb by the shamans.

"Good day to you both, and good day to you, Naboo." Dennis replied. Naboo just glared. They two men and the tiny shaman left on the magic carpet. None of them spoke a word on the entire journey. When they got back Naboo went straight to his room, furious.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"You can't stay in there forever, Naboo!" Howard shouted through the door of Naboo's bedroom. He hadn't come out since the visit to The Board of Shamans the night before.

"Howard, let me talk to him." Vince said.

"Why? It won't do anything."

"It's worth a try."

"Fair enough." Howard said grudgingly, opening the door. Vice walked in.

"Naboo? Are you ok?"

"Go away! I'm fine!" Came Naboo's reply. He was sitting with his back to Vince, but his voice cracked slightly.

"Naboo, are you crying?" Vince asked, shocked.

"No! Go away!" Naboo shouted.

"Naboolio, what's wrong?" Vince asked softly.

"Nothing, go away!" Naboo was now openly sobbing.

"Come on, you can talk to me." Vince reassured him.

The tiny shaman spoke with shuddering breaths that shook his whole body.

"Don't you understand? I'm stuck here! I can't go anywhere without a jailer. This is hell!"

"Look, I'll talk to Howard about asking The Board of Shamans to undo your punishment. Meanwhile, we could hang out a bit. You'd get out of the house, and I'd give you your space."

"Yeah." Said Naboo, calming down.

"Great! Do you fancy a day out tomorrow?" Vince asked, once again enthusiastic. Naboo nodded. "Look, I know you don't want to, but try and get on with Howard. He's got your best interests at heart."

"Ok." Came the grudging response.

"Thanks. Do you want some lunch?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. I'll leave you to get sorted out." Vince patted his friend on the shoulder and left. Howard was standing outside.

"How did it go?" He asked.

"Really well. We're going out tomorrow." Vince bounced off into the kitchen, leaving Howard amazed at what he'd achieved.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Naboo, are you ready?" Vince yelled.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" Naboo replied. Minutes later, he reappeared, wearing blue jeans, a checked shirt, and trainers. "Let's go!"

"Wait a minute! Where are you two going?" asked Howard.

"Out. I told you last night!"

"Vince, are you sure that you're fully capable of looking after yourself and Naboo?"

"Of course I am!"

"On your own head be it." He muttered. "What time will you be back?"

"Later. Why? I'm Naboo's guardian too, you know."

"Look, just be back before six, ok?" Howard said, exasperated. Vince was about to leave, but Naboo stopped him.

"Just a minute." He whispered.

"What are you doing?" Vince asked, panicking.

"Just wait!" He commanded. "Look, Howard, about the other day. I shouldn't have gone off without telling you. I'm sorry." Naboo said, looking at the floor.

"Thank you for being so grown up about this, Naboo." Howard smiled. Naboo looked up at him and gave a shy smile back.

"Am I forgiven, then?" He asked in a small voice.

"Of course you are! Just don't do it again, ok?"

"Ok." Naboo smiled at Howard again, properly this time. "Thanks, Howard." Howard walked over to him and pulled the tiny shaman into a hug.

"Off you go then, you two. Have fun!" Howard waved as Vince and Naboo left.

As soon as they got outside, Vince clapped his friend on the shoulder.

"Well done, Naboolio." He said.

"Thanks."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Vince and Naboo were standing outside a tiny basement shop.

"Why here?" Vince asked.

"You'll see." Said Naboo, pushing open the door. A bell rang as they entered. Naboo began to browse while Vince stood around awkwardly.

"Hey, Vince, look at this!" The shaman exclaimed, holding up a blue over-robe.

"That's pretty cool, actually." Vince said. "Do you want to get it?"

"Yeah!" Running around the shop like an excited child, he filled a basket with a robe, the over-robe he'd shown Vince, and a matching turban. They paid for them and left the shop, grinning.

"So, do you like your new clothes?" Vince asked as they made their way home.

"Yeah! They're amazing!" Naboo exclaimed. "Hey, what time is it?"

"Ten to six." Vince replied.

"Didn't we promise Howard that we'd be back in ten minutes?"

"Yeah, we did. Don't worry; we're only a couple of minutes away."

Howard was waiting for them when they arrived.

"Did you have a nice time?" He asked.

"Yeah, it was brilliant!" Naboo replied chirpily.

"It was genius! Naboo bought a new outfit."

"Great! What did you buy?" Naboo showed Howard his purchases. He looked them over with interest, then nodded in approval. "Nice." He murmured. "I'm glad you had fun. Are you hungry?" Vince and Naboo nodded. "Dinner's in the oven. We're having pasta bake." He walked over to the oven to check on the food. 15 minutes later, they were all sitting around the table chatting about nothing in particular. They were all happier than they had been for days.


End file.
